Troubles and Trials

I know my blog has mainly been about the kids and pictures of them, but I am hoping to write out my feelings more also. I am really terrible about expressing how I feel, I just usually keep to myself, maybe that is why I always have a headache. I don't like to burden others with my problems, so I just go along like nothing is wrong. There are a few things that are bothering me.

1. I struggle on a daily basis with my weight. I have tried exercising a few times, but my back usually has other ideas about working out. I have no will power when it comes to food. I have thought a lot about joining a gym, but I know I would not go. Too many other skinny women who are there to show off their nice little figures. I am really trying to evaluate my life to figure out how I can loose some weight, I only have 2 pair of pants that fit me, and I refuse to get any more. I have tons of clothes from before. This is the largest I have ever been. This is something I am struggling with everyday!!!

2. I am a very judgemental, critical, person, and that is a very bad quality I have. I am trying very hard to change this. I am praying daily the Lord will help me in this area, I don't like being caught up in such judgemental thoughts, and I hate being around others who judge, but yet I am so guilty of it. I have these expectations that I think should be of others, and I judge when they are not met, leaving me angry, and feeling down. Not worth it at all. I am learning to embrace all people, and I keep saying to myself, I don't like when others judge me, they have not walked in my shoes, so what makes me think I have walked in their shoes. I can honestly say that I have not judged in about a week, and it feels great, thank you Lord for being with me, helping to be a better person.

3. I sometimes get wrapped up in worldly possessions. I often find myself angry with those who have more than me. I am learning to redirect my focus. My husband works so hard, and he provides his family with everything we need. I am trying to not get so caught up in it. Money is nothing, but paper, but the Love God has for me is everything. Money means nothing when we leave this world, and God is everything so why do I struggle so much with it. I don't like to talk about finances as I think they are personal, and money can ruin friendships, but I still let it get in the way. I wish we could eat steak instead of mac n cheese, I wish we could buy a new car instead of our beater, I wish we could have carpet in our house instead of concrete, I wish we could afford to go on vacation as a family, instead of settling for a movie and McDonald's. I wish I wish.....I could go on and on, as I know none of it matters why do I struggle with it?

I really want to be that person that people look up to that people think are inspiring. but for now I will be me. The one God designed me to be, and I am going to hold my head up high, and realize that I am a sinner, and so are my friends and my family, and together we will have love and laughter, because no matter what we have in life our hearts are what matter. Our walk in life is a journey to our eternal home, everything here on earth is just temporary, and all I can bring with me is my love of Christ and my friendships.

Thank you to all of you who have sat here and read my whole blog. It feels good to just chat, about my thoughts. I promise not to bore you again, OK well maybe a few more times. I will mainly keep my blog about our positive adventures, but life is not always positive, and I am tired of pretending it is.

The song you heard if you have sound, is great, really gets me thinkign about the good and what my role in life is......

Love you all!!!!!